Age in Gay Community - Why do we want Young Guys?
Age in the Gay community seems to be so important. We have all heard the jokes about being 40, What's that in Gay years? DEAD.
How important is age to you?
What do you think of when you see someone who is 35 or 50?
Do you find yourself wanting a younger partner for a relationship, same age, or older than you?
Are we too hung up on age?
The following article is from a column written by Dan Savage, a noted gay columnist.
Savage Love 2.0
Several years ago I was in a popular local bar attempting to buy a drink for a man who appeared to be in his mid-20s. I was in my early 40s at the time. The young man rebuffed my offer by saying, "You're too old for me." I said fine and moved on.
About a month later I was in the same bar, where they were having some kind of AIDS fundraiser. This same young man was part of the group soliciting donations from patrons as they came in the door. When he asked me for a donation I responded, "If I'm too old for you, so is my money."
This created quite a scene, but I feel that it was entirely appropriate to treat him in the same fashion he treated me.
The larger issue, of course, is the blatant age discrimination in the gay community. Seems like the rainbow has every color in it except gray.
My question is, if a large portion of the gay community is going to publicly ignore and turn its back on gays over 40, why should we bother, or be expected to, support the so-called community with our financial resources?
Since that incident in the bar, I have cut off all of my donations to gay charities and have managed to convince a number of my over-40 friends to do the same.
Check Planet Out for the rest of the column.
Age and sex
Savage once again shows himself to be a simplistic moron.
Of a 1953 vintage, may I impart the information that life is better after 40. Sex remains important, however, the mind rules and other values in life assume a rightful importance, i.e. the value of friendship. Also the value of nourishing youth: it can still be a real struggle for them.
To be in bed with someone who isn't attracted to me would lower my self-esteem. So normally I don't pursue youth for sex.
Things may be easier for me though because I was sexually active (and gay) as a youth. I assume--perhaps wrongly--that older men who were sexually repressed until later in life become more obsessed with youth as sexual objects.
For the scientific record, on my 50th birthday I happened to be in one of those naked stranger situations common in Montreal, at the same time touching a young man and someone my own age: the older guy's skin generated more electricity...
sex
hmmmm. Learned something
AGE AND SEX
Well age & sex really does not matter this day and age but when it CUMS for your $$$$ , now theres a whole new fantango !!!
Money, sex and age
Seems you are right Gerald. More people today are looking beyond age. It is not rare to see younger guys with older. Trouble is when we do see it, most of us make a quick assumption, there must be money involved. Sometimes there is, but not all the time or even most of the time.
Even when money is there, it is usually because the older guy has it and the young guy does not. So who do you expect to pick up the bill.
We need to be nurturing, not savaging (couldn't resist the pun) each other. If we want to be included then we need to look at the problems. Young and old alike. Seems to me, those that are older have to make the first moves if we want young guys to feel comfortable with older generations.
Rick
45 and a grandpa to boot
another subject
We approach close to another subject. Maybe should have link on site to men@peers: www.peers.bc.ca
Age ~ Sex and sex for money or shelter
You are right yogerbil. boys and young men in the sex trade.
The Men's Wellness Program and Peers are about to begin a research project on boys and men in the sex trade here in Victoria and Vancouver.
Many are exploited, some just like it, others do it for the money. What makes these boys and young men turn to selling themselves for money?
If we offer someone a place to stay in return for sex, are we taking unfair advantage of this young person or is it just the way it is? Is it okay to use these services?
Should we be helping these boys and young men get out of the trade if they want help?
What are we willing to do to assist them getting out of the trade?
Recent studies seem to indicate that many have been abused, neglected while growing up, thrown out by one or both parents because they were gay.
Not a lot is known about males in the sex trade. We are hoping our research will help address that problem. What we do know is that if a boy or young man is trying to get out of the trade, there is not much help for him. That has to change!
Agwayp
hmm... good site
Sex and Age - My way or the highway!
What Dan needs is some anger management training. If he is trying to get across the point that gay men over 40 are being shunned, disadvantaged, then he missed an opportunity.
He reminds me of the rich kid on the block, making up the rules for a local ball game, because if you don't let him, he will take his bat and go home.
Our gay world is youth centred. Most of the images are of hunky and or slim twinks. Why is this, because guys like Dan buy the stuff.
I don't object to seeing a good looking guy, young or old (my age). Most young guys want to be with guys their age, some like us older types, that's all okay.
What Dan is saying is that "young guys" better accept his offer to buy them a drink (nudge~nudge, wink~wink) or be labelled as discriminators.
We do have a problem in our communities with age. Doing what Dan has done won't fix it. Perhaps Dan should stop to think about the group the young man was volunteering for. If it was an AIDS group, chances are many of people benefiting from this young volunteer's efforts were the same age as Dan.
Mentoring - An Age Old Tradition
Perhaps this discussion can help us get an intergenerational project underway. AVI is active in assisting the Victoria school-district get Gay - Straight Alliance groups running and supported. Maybe some of us older guys should also be looking at creating links with young gay men.
Mentoring would be a good start. Starting a project that would bring young guys together with older to support each other. It is often said "it takes a village to raise a child." Why would it be different in the gay community? Anyone interested?
Below is some info on a project that AVI is undertaking with the school district.
The United Way has recently awarded AVI with a Youth Initiative Grant for an HIV/STD Prevention Education Project. The Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) of Esquimalt High School will develop a prevention/education campaign for safer sex and homophobia awareness. They will also network with GSAs in other schools to foster their development.
Doesn't It goes both ways?
The kid in the bar was an ass; I assume gay people who act like asses in gay bars are compensating for past hurts. If someone I'm not attracted to approaches me and persists, I just say, "you're too masculine for me." No one ever takes offense at that rejection.
On age, it goes both ways. Who would you want performing heart surgery on your mother--a twinky with spiked hair or a person with some gray? I'm 50, I find young guys go for me but I expect so little from them that it goes nowhere. If you're 20 and like older guys, I bet its frustrating to meet a man who expects you to be a silly twinky just because you're young.
Hello
Great post !! !
Greetings
Great post !! !
Hello
Great post !! !